


Last Christmas

by KikiKierra



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21831121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KikiKierra/pseuds/KikiKierra
Summary: Last Christmas Gibbs and Jack's relationship verged on becoming something more, yet one year later nothing's changed. Jack reflects on the memory of that night and her feelings both then and now. What will she do about it?
Relationships: Jethro Gibbs/Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane
Comments: 14
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I better get this posted before canon comes to throw a spanner in the works with 17x10.  
> Also, a huge thank you to Jenni3penny for helping me take this disaster and turn it into something halfway presentable.

_“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special…”_

Jack sighed as the familiar song started on the radio as she drove home from work on Christmas Eve. She couldn’t help but think of Gibbs and their almost something last Christmas, how close she’d come to giving him her heart. Sure, it definitely wasn’t the first almost moment they’d had. And of course there’d been almosts since then. Hell, even the literal elephant in the room had become _another_ elephant in the room. But there was nothing that felt quite so close as last Christmas. 

She cast her mind back to that day, getting caught up in the memory and all the feelings that accompanied it. 

***

It had been a hard case that hit far too close to home. She had been reminded of her decision to give up Faith and of course she’d fallen down the rabbit hole of wondering what could’ve been. What her life could’ve looked like if she’d made different choices. She was grateful when he’d come to rescue her from her thoughts. Seeing the way the new parents’ eyes lit up when Ellie and Nick had handed over the baby really cheered her up. It certainly beats sitting in her office checking up on the daughter she’d never had the privilege to get to know. She knew Tanya had made the right decision to give up her baby, just as she had done all those years ago. Still that knowledge did nothing to soothe the sting that was always just that little bit more prominent at this time of year.

“Merry Christmas Gibbs,” she said, nudging him gently.

“Merry Christmas to you Jack”. He turned to face her and added “Still goin’ skiing?”

“It’s a little late now”. Yet another set of plans foiled, a hazard of the job she supposed. She realised she really didn’t mind though. Being with him was more than enough. “Why? You got a better plan?”

“I was just thinkin’ ‘bout that gift bottle you gave out”.

Her face broke into a grin. “Kentucky’s finest,” she supplied “small batch”.

“I wanna crack that,” he said, “You in?”

She nodded and he pulled her closer. The chill in the air melted away the moment he softly kissed her forehead and pulled her into him. And in that moment, with his arm around her, everything felt right with the world and she knew she was falling in love with him. 

They went back to his house and she was nervous the second they walked through the door. Internally she chastised herself for feeling that way, after all she’d been to his house many times before. It felt different this time though, like the air between them was electric and crackling with possibilities. 

Gibbs filled two glasses with bourbon and passed one to her. He stoked the fire as she sat on the couch. She started to relax the second the bourbon hit her throat. And when he came to sit beside her she automatically shifted closer, so close they were almost touching. He must’ve noticed because he put his arm around her and pulled her flush against him, noticing the barely audible sigh she let out as his fingers absentmindedly began drawing circles on her shoulder. 

“Bishop and Torres made pretty good foster parents,” she said.

“And you,” he replied. “Thanks for helping out”.

“What can I say? Who can resist a baby?” She looked up at him with a smile tinged with sadness, an expression she saw mirrored on his face.

“You miss Shannon and Kelly,” she said softly. It was a statement more than a question but he nodded in response.

“Christmas is hard,” he added a few moments later “sometimes I spend time with the team but they all have their own families”.

“You’re family to them too, you know that,” Jack said sincerely. 

“Yeah." He refilled their drinks then turned to her, "So what about you? How do you normally spend Christmas … when you’re not skiing?" 

She shrugged, “Oh, you know, takeout and a movie usually … Sometimes I’d spend Christmas with friends but not since I moved to DC."

“Sounds lonely."

“Pot meet kettle,” she laughed, deflecting away from the heaviness of what he’d said. But when he just kept staring at her she continued, “It can be, but I try not to dwell on it”. 

“I get that,” he said quietly and she knew it was true.

“We can be lonely together,” she said making him chuckle, breaking out into that beautiful grin she never got tired of seeing.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and he pulled her closer as they fell into a comfortable silence.

She couldn’t help but think that she could really get used to this. Not just every so often after a long day at work or on a special occasion, this was what she wanted everyday. 

“Gibbs,” she said softly, breaking the silence. 

“Mm”.

A thousand different things rushed through her mind. _Tonight was amazing. You’re amazing. I want you. I love you. Kiss me._

“Thank you”. _Goddamnit Sloane, why can’t you just tell him how you feel? You’ve literally been through hell, why is this so terrifying?_

“For what?” A bemused expression played across his features. 

“Everything." At least that was the truth, she was so grateful for him. Grateful for the way he understood her in a way that no one else, not even Leon, could. Grateful for the way they balanced each other out. Grateful for his friendship even though she wanted so much more.

He smirked and looked directly into her eyes, making her heart hammer in her chest. The intensity of the moment was something she’d normally shy away from but not with him. She felt like he was looking straight into her heart and soul, and she wished for just a glimpse into his. Honestly she wanted to kiss him, to pour her heart out physically rather than verbally. But she didn’t, the fear of rejection stopping her from acting. After all, she was almost certain he knew how she felt, at least to some extent, so she assumed if her feelings were reciprocated, he would have said something by now. 

They didn’t talk anymore that night, eventually drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms. When they awoke the next morning neither of them spoke about the previous night and how close they’d come to being something more. Jack couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Gibbs hadn’t felt the same things she did. She thought he did but Gibbs was hard to read, even for her, and if he was willing to go on as if nothing had happened she decided she’d just have to find a way to be okay with that. It hurt though, the not knowing and the overthinking that accompanied it. If only he would tell her how he felt, at least then she’d know where she stood.

***

Fear had held her back then, as it had a few times since. And now a year had passed and nothing had changed. Well, they’d gotten closer, he’d learned about her daughter, and she’d learned about his ex fiancée, and Ziva had come back and flipped everyone’s lives upside down. But ultimately their relationship hadn’t really changed. It was still one defined by almosts and maybes and unspoken feelings. They were still tightrope walking the line, not yet daring to cross it. 

She knew she couldn’t keep doing this. Hiding her feelings was driving her insane. They were too old for this goddamn charade, this dance that up till now they’d been too stubborn to put a stop to. So, if he wasn’t going to make a move, Jack decided she’d have to be the one to do it. Even though it meant she might get her heart broken. With her mind made up, she took a different turn, driving to Gibbs’ house instead of her own.


	2. Chapter 2

It had seemed like a much better idea when she’d impulsively made the decision. But as soon as she pulled up outside his house she wasn’t so sure. She’d been sitting in her car for the last twenty minutes thinking it over (more like  _ overthinking it _ ). 

_ What would she say? What if he rejects her? What if she ruins their friendship? This is so not a good idea. But then what if he does feel the same? The only way to find out is to make a move …. Get it together Sloane, either go inside or leave, you can’t sit here all night.  _ She groaned and rubbed her hands over her face in frustration.  _ Make a damn decision, Jacqueline. _

She was shaken from her thoughts by a knock on her car window. Gibbs was standing outside watching her with his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. A blush coloured her cheeks when she realised he’d caught her, she wound down the window sheepishly. 

“You just gonna sit there all night? Or are ya comin’ in?”

“I … uh, yeah,” she mumbled and wound up the window then got out of the car. “How long have you been watching me?”

“Few minutes. I came up to grab another beer and saw your car,” he replied as they walked inside. “Why? How long you been there?”

“Twenty minutes,” she said and shook her head, trying to hide her blush. “Too long. Sorry, I just…” she trailed off awkwardly.

“You okay, Sloane?” he asked, he sounded concerned but his expression betrayed a hint of amusement.

“Yeah,” she said, sounding none too certain.

He smirked and grabbed two beers, handing one to Jack then heading for the basement. She followed him down, sitting down on the stool by his workbench. The smell of sawdust and bourbon and  _ him _ filled her nose but it didn’t have the soothing effect it normally had on her. He returned to his work, dutifully sanding the boat. She always loved watching the methodical way that he worked. Even if watching him was just a cover for checking out his arms and how clearly she could see his muscles as he worked (and she would never complain about the view of his ass either). But today she couldn’t even focus on any of that. She was trying to muster up the courage to initiate the conversation she came to have. As it turns out she didn’t have to because he took the initiative for her. 

“Why ya here Jack?” he asked, hands still rhymically sanding despite his attention now split between her and the boat. 

“Do I need a reason now?” she countered, deliberately avoiding the question. Her voice sounded shakier than she intended and she knew he noticed. 

“On Christmas Eve? Yeah,” came the reply. 

“Okayyy,” she said, drawing the last syllable out softly. “I was thinking…”

“Sounds serious,” he quipped, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

She took a deep breath, her hands fiddling with the hem of her sweater. “I was thinking about last Christmas,” she said.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to face her, giving her his full attention. But he didn’t say anything, and instead waited for her to continue. 

Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, so hard that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he could hear it. “I think… I mean… I  _ am _ falling in love with you,” she said shyly, standing up from the stool as a way to expend some nervous energy. “I knew last Christmas but I just couldn’t-” she realised she was rambling and abruptly cut herself off. 

He hadn’t expected her to sound so unsure. She was normally so confident and when he’d imagined her confessing her love for him, because he had  _ definitely _ imagined it (not that he thought it would ever happen), he hadn’t imagined her nervous. He was almost certain that she’d be confident and sure of herself, her being afraid of rejection hadn’t occurred to him, probably because rejecting her had never occurred to him (or to any sane person ever). But there was something about this vulnerability that was so soft and so endearing and  _ oh god, he desperately wanted to kiss her.  _

“Uh, Cowboy? … Say something,” she said, voice barely more than a whisper, clearly taking his silence as a bad sign. 

That brought his attention out of his head and back on to her. He closed the gap between them so they were standing barely inches apart as he gently cupped her cheek. 

“Jack…” he murmured but realised he had no idea what to say. He was never very good at talking about his feelings, not least when his emotions were so strong. In lieu of a proper explanation he leaned down and kissed her deeply, trying to pour all his pent up emotion into the kiss. 

She kissed him back just as passionately, her tongue exploring his mouth as her hands landed on his hips holding him there. Eventually he broke the kiss but couldn’t step back as she was still holding onto him, enjoying his closeness. 

“Wow … okay,” Jack breathed, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. Her voice was low and sultry and her eyes dark with lust.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Gibbs asked.

“Fear,” she said quietly, then smirked “why didn’t you?”

He knew she had him there, he had no good answer. So instead he just shook his head and kissed her again, pushing her up against his workbench. Her hand dragged up his back to cup the back of his neck as she deepened the kiss. However when his hands slid up under her shirt she broke the kiss. He froze but made no effort to move his hands from where they were. 

“Sloane?” he questioned, “you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just … are we on the same page Cowboy?” she asked. 

“I need to know, because if we’re not, if you’re not all in, then I can’t do this,” she explained softly. “It would hurt too much”.

His heart damn near broke at the idea that she thought for even a millisecond that he was playing with her. Or that she was nothing more than some friends with benefits type situation. She had long ago stolen his heart and what he wanted from her is so far from casual. “I’m all in, I promise … I love you, Jack.” 

His overwhelming desire to ease her worries forced him to put his feelings into words. And though it was simple, he knew it was just what she needed to hear because she pulled him down murmuring “Good” against his lips before kissing him hard. 

With that his hands resumed their journey beneath her shirt, coming around to palm her breasts through her bra. She arched into his touch and moaned appreciatively into the kiss. She squeezed his ass and pulled him even closer (if that was possible). And damn, he was hard, she could feel it pressing into her and it made her want more,  _ now _ . Her hands travelled to the button on his pants but before she could go any further he stopped her, his hand covering hers, stilling it. She broke the kiss and looked up at him questioningly. 

“Upstairs,” he said simply, pulling away from her. 

A wicked smirk appeared on her face as playful fingers hooked into his belt loops and pulled him back to her. “What’s wrong with right here?” 

Jesus Christ. As much as he had fantasised about pushing her up against his boat and taking her, now was not the time for that. Tonight he didn’t just want to fuck, he wanted to make love to her. 

“Plenty of time for that later,” he whispered in her ear. 

“Well alright then cowboy,” she said, the implication making her give in easily “let’s go upstairs”. 


	3. Chapter 3

She awoke the next morning, Christmas morning, curled up against him with her head on his chest and his fingers gently running through her hair. 

“Mornin’ cowboy,” she murmured raising her head up to look at him. 

He smiled at her. “Merry Christmas Jack”.

“Merry Christmas, Jethro,” she kissed him tenderly, trying to shake off the last remnants of sleep. The sound of his name rolling off her tongue made him feel warm inside and he silently thanked every God he’d ever heard of for the fact that he was finally able to wake up with her in his arms. 

“You sleep well?” he asked.

“Better than I have for a long time”. It was true too, she wasn’t sure whether it was how safe she felt with him or the fact that she went to sleep  _ satisfied _ or a combination of both (the most likely culprit she thought to herself) but she really hadn’t woken up feeling so rested in ages. 

They stayed in bed for another hour or so, cuddling, chatting, and generally enjoying the warmth and comfort that came from each other’s company. When they did finally get up it was for coffee (because of course it was).

Gibbs made the coffee while Jack rummaged through his cupboards for some breakfast. 

“Geez, do you not eat or something?” she grumbled when she came up empty handed. 

“Not usually breakfast,” came his response. 

“Most important meal of the day,” she chastised gently. 

He shrugged off her concern but had the decency to look sheepish. “We can go out for lunch soon”.

“It’s Christmas Day,” she deadpanned.

“Diner’s still open,” he handed her coffee over and slid the sugar bowl in her direction.

“On Christmas? Wow,” she mused as she stirred a ridiculous amount of sugar into her coffee. “I’m gonna guess you’ve had many a Christmas lunch there”.

“Maybe,” he conceded. They both knew he’d spent far too many Christmases alone. Sure, he had his team but they have their own lives and he wasn't one to intrude.

Just as they had settled down on the living room couch to drink their coffee there was a knock at the door. Gibbs grumbled but got up to answer it. 

“McGee, Delilah, and little Johnny and Morgan,” Jack heard Gibbs say when he opened the door. She didn’t have to see to know he’d immediately crouch down to the twins’ level to greet them, giving them the respect they deserve despite the protests from his bad knee.

“Hey, boss, just thought we’d pop in and wish you a merry Christmas on our way to Delilah’s friend’s place for lunch”.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” he said as he stepped aside, allowing the family to enter. “Just made coffee, you want some?"

Both McGee and Delilah nodded the affirmative, following Gibbs into the dining room. When Gibbs disappeared into the kitchen to grab the coffee, Jack decided to reveal herself. 

“Hey,” she said as she came into the dining room, hugging McGee and Delilah as best she could given that they were seated at the table each with a toddler on their lap. 

“Oh, Jack, you’re here too,” McGee said, looking her up and down “Wait are you wearing the same…?” 

McGee trailed off as Gibbs returned with two cups of orange juice for the twins. He’d caught what McGee was saying and raised his eyebrows as Jack blushed.

McGee’s eyes widened as he put the pieces together and Delilah couldn’t conceal her own smirk. McGee blushed almost as much as Jack as he stammered out an apology, “Sorry, I didn’t … I mean … what you do in your own time is … um, your business”. 

Jack’s laugh cut through the awkwardness. She put a reassuring hand on McGee’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay Tim, don’t worry about it,” she said as Gibbs headed back to the kitchen. 

“I, uh, yeah, sure, I just...” McGee muttered. 

“Quit while you’re behind Tim,” Delilah advised, cutting him off before he could embarrass himself further. 

Morgan, quite fascinated by Jack, reached out for her. Jack made eye contact with McGee in a silent request for permission. When he nodded she took Morgan from him and sat down putting the toddler on her lap. Morgan grinned and reached up to play with Jack’s necklace. Gibbs returned with the coffees, handing them to McGee and Deliliah. He watched Jack for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of loss. He allowed himself to think of another life, another universe where he’d met Jack earlier, where they’d had a proper life, and a family. He loved her, that much was clear. Maybe it was greed or just plain selfishness but he still couldn’t help but wish for more time, however he’d be damned if was going to waste the time that they had been given (at least not more than he already had). 

He shook the thought from his mind and returned his focus to the scene in front of him. He went down into the basement to retrieve the gift he had made for the twins. As soon they saw Gibbs return with the large wrapped gift, Johnny and Morgan leapt off the laps they were on and rushed to Gibbs’ feet at lightning speed. 

“Ours?” Morgan questioned hopefully (and adorably) as she reached up towards the gift.

Gibbs nodded and put the gift down. Within seconds wrapping paper had been torn off and discarded revealing the gift, a set of handmade blocks. Gibbs had taken all the scraps of timber he had leftover in the basement and carved them into different shapes. 

“Say ‘Thank you, Gibbs’,” Delilah instructed the twins. 

“Thaaank yooou, Gibbsss,” they parroted back in unison, dragging out each word. Morgan, the more outgoing of the two, hugged Gibbs (or rather hugged Gibbs’ leg). 

Then there was an almighty crash as Johnny opened the container and tipped the blocks all over the floor. 

“Sorry,” McGee said quickly, standing up ready to clean up the mess and admonish the twins. 

“Let them play, it’s Christmas,” Gibbs said, gesturing for McGee to sit back down. 

“If you’re sure,” McGee said uncertainly but Gibbs just waved off his concern, reassuring him again that it was fine. 

After watching the twins play for barely five minutes Jack couldn’t resist, she joined them on the floor and started playing with them. The twins were each building towers so Jack started her own. Every time Jack’s tower got more than a few blocks tall Morgan would push the bottom block causing the tower to collapse and making both Jack and Morgan giggle each time. Somehow, despite playing with the twins, Jack was still able to keep up with the conversation the other adults were having at the table, and was, quite frankly, in her element. 

After around an hour of chatting McGee and Delilah decided it was time to go. Jack helped the twins pack up the blocks, handing the container to McGee. Both Jack and Gibbs hugged the twins goodbye and walked the family to the door to see them off. 

As soon as Gibbs had closed the door, he turned around and pulled Jack into him, gently kissing the top of her head. “Having fun?” he asked softly. 

“Mhmm,” she said. "Best Christmas ever”.

“Good”.

She reached up, guided his head down and kissed him, pouring as much love and passion into the kiss as possible as he'd done the night before, knowing he’d understand. 

“C’mon,” Gibbs said when they finally broke apart “let’s go grab lunch”.

“At the diner,” she said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Yup, not romantic enough for ya, huh Sloane?” he teased.

“It’s perfect,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “I love you Jethro”. 

“Love you too Jack”. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's this fic done, just in time for Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone, hope you enjoyed it. Hopefully I'll have a chance to write more fic in the new year before college starts back in February.


End file.
